Mistreated
Always have been mistreated
Ended up feeling defeated
Chewed up, spat out, fuck it secreted
Never known trust, always been deceited
Requested,added, then fucking deleted
As time went by, I filled with hate
Fucked up, fucked over, and fucking raped
All I wished for was a clean slate
Not my heart ripped out
Given back on a plate
Wanted to scream and shout
A twisted hand of fate
For me it's too late
Is this my destiny?
What else could go wrong? and what is left for me?
No faith but please pray for my life
As I attempt to end it with this knife
Cutting away my troubles and strife
Feeling myself start to bleed
To help me help to feed
A tension relieving need
deep in my head
Was planted a seed
Making me believe I should be dead
Bleeding blood, blood bled
Slowly removing all my dread
As I blood soaks into the sheets on my bed
Body feeling heavy as lead
Sat facing my demise
Closing my eyes
Laying down I try to cry
Waiting to die
This has happened from all the shit
I put up with and got expected to cope with it
No more can I, So wrists I slit
No more chances
No more hits
No second glances
As I lay or sit
In self pity, In my pit
One thing I will admit
I never had heard any honesty
Negativity, drilled in to me constantly
I got fuck all to lose
Had no choices, I did not choose
Daily beatings and sexual abuse
Abused, hurt and confused
At 12yrs and my wish was for a noose
Maybe this was how it was meant to be
It affected me bad mentally
Never knew how it felt to have someone close to me
Truth I kid not, Totally
So this is how it's going to end
No true love, No true friend
If I am reincarnated probably happen again
And slowly I drift to sleep
Slit wrists and blood soaked sheets
So so cold, can't feel no heat
Too weak to even weep
All I feel is the retreat
Of my slowing heart beat
Was it a crime?
To want a life that's mine?
Maybe things will turn out fine
If I get a chance next time.
Bleeding blood, blood bled
Slowly removing all my dread
As I blood soaks into the sheets on my bed
Body feeling heavy as lead
Sat facing my demise
Closing my eyes
Laying down I try to cry
Waiting to die
This has happened from all the shit
I put up with and got expected to cope with it
No more can I, So wrists I slit
No more chances
No more hits
No second glances
As I lay or sit
In self pity, In my pit
One thing I will admit
I never had heard any honesty
Negativity, drilled in to me constantly
I got fuck all to lose
Had no choices, I did not choose
Daily beatings and sexual abuse
Abused, hurt and confused
At 12yrs and my wish was for a noose
Maybe this was how it was meant to be
It affected me bad mentally
Never knew how it felt to have someone close to me
Truth I kid not, Totally
So this is how it's going to end
No true love, No true friend
If I am reincarnated probably happen again
And slowly I drift to sleep
Slit wrists and blood soaked sheets
So so cold, can't feel no heat
Too weak to even weep
All I feel is the retreat
Of my slowing heart beat
Was it a crime?
To want a life that's mine?
Maybe things will turn out fine
If I get a chance next time.
This was all about the way I felt when a messed up heroin addict at 18yrs and all but the topping myself is true. I didn't have the bottle thankfully and am happy to be here to be able to express my thoughts and feelings in my lyrics. There are some very sensitive issues in these lyrics and I hope nobody will judge me on how it is expressed. Thank you for reading and I'll try make the next post a bit more 'Cheerful'. I just wanted to post this as after I wrote it I felt so emotional and had dug up some pretty shitty memories. Take care all. Love J xxxxx
I don't think I really enjoyed reading this (enjoyed wouldn't be the right word!) but I found it really profound and I could just imagine it with a really agressive beat - something like Linkin Park in the background to it. I hope it helped to get it all out - it reads like it might have been cathartic.
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