Start to Finish

I wrote this one day whilst thinking of the many times I've overdosed, trying to see it all from the perspective of all those I'd have left behind. Hope you enjoy xxx

Start to Finish

Finally I understand how I feel

Born and raised in Chesterfield

Did I get a good deal?

Deserve what I got?

Probably not, but I chose to take the smack,crack and pot

I nervously laugh

Strolling misguided down this lifetime path

Do the math?

I was just a mug

Addicted to the love of drugs bug

Looking up from the hole

The grave that was dug

I ain't no East,North,West or south side gangster

More like a jester or courtyard prankster

I want to do one thing, that is to thank ya

For the life I'd been given, the life that was gave

Too late to be saved

Looking up from my grave

I wasn't all bad, wasn't all good

Wondering how loved ones felt,stood where they stood

Seeing a husband, son, brother, dead in a box in the mud

I know it wasn't clever or fun

28yrs and it's over I'm done

Early in life a start to take drugs

Ending up just a mug

Take, take, take, never did give

Did I really deserve to live?

Or should I have gone and died when I did?!

No fear, No bat of eyelid

Knew what was coming, my life slowly slid

No point praying when not a believer

Why have a faith when a taker and dealer?

No dial tone any more,not on the receiver

If only, If at least I had tried

Never have lied or maybe just cried

When my sister had died or at least on the inside

I may have been better, a life not the same

I could've died without shame

Instead of leaving it all for my family to claim

Found with a needle still in my vein

Me, a car on a cliff, foot on the pedal

No one got a medal

Just a foot on a pedal to the metal

Dust of my past in their faces

Just a disgrace, no way to erase

Or get rid of that foul taste

The odd drug free days

The pain, cramps and sweating

Never forgetting

No explanation

Wasn't temptation, Living 12miles from civilization

Report from the medical examination

He was an addict, was no one off occasion

Lay here in my box and look at the ceiling

Feeling no feelings

Decaying not healing

Wishing I had a chance to give them a clean husband,son,brother

I shot up from beneath a soaking wet cover

First thought to my head

Why make me suffer, I'm already dead

A grade A recurring nightmare

Awoken from my pit of despair

I'll share

Haunting me till the day I do finally rest

This nightmare reminds me to be at my best

A Test? I won't stress

But forever I'll suffer

Helping me through is my wife and I love her

Lex helps me get rid of the cravings

Saving, me from suffering pain

Driving me insane

I couldn't have wished for a better gain

Lex has my heart and it carries the stain

Of an opiate life, I will complain

But won't go that way again

I will refrain

Still I crave, some days

It passes

Thinking of my grave an my losses

I couldn't live without my wife she's so precious

In death, nothing is left

But I hope I live long

Our love will stay strong

Nothing goes wrong

Till I die I 'll feel this way forever

From !'Start to Finish' I've never felt better.

Hoping that you enjoyed reading that I am looking forward to my next entry already. Thanks for reading and take care. XXXXX